So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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