Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
