I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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