she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
