I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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