The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
