I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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