You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
