Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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