Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
