Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Ketchup is God's man juice
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
