he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
