We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
