The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Btw I puked in your glovebox
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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