Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize