fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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