Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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