we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We need a shit load of segways right now
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
