i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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