winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
