Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
