fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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