How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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