bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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