In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize