You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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