I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize