i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
