Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
