i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
