you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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