i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
