So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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