I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Someone came in the potted fern
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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