Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
