No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
