Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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