I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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