Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
