I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My dick has a subreddit
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
