just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
How does one acquire holy water?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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