he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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