Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize