i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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