Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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