K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
