if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
