He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
