Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
