Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
