I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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