She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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