Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
