Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My boob is missing a layer of skin
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
sex in a hospital.. check
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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