Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
