Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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