she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
