Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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