her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
