remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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