Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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