I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize