Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
