I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
