U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think I just shit out all my problems.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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