I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
