remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
