You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize