I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
