Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
