She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
