i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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