don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
