I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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