I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The air was thick with penises
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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