Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
