It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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