Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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